T Update

Sep. 9th, 2014 12:37 am
aidenonymous: (gender)
[personal profile] aidenonymous
I haven't done one of these in a while, three weeks apparently, which makes me some 15-16 months total on T and six weeks on the higher dose.  Well, sort of, because I've been going back and forth a bunch with the lower dose.  When I have feelings about my chest, I tend to give myself a dose of 1% gel; when I have feelings about passing, I tend to give myself a dose of 1.62% gel.  I've been about 20/80 on this for the past three weeks.

I'm continuing to notice more and darker hairs on my inner thighs and upper arms and have no complaints.

The biggest change I've noticed is my hair line.  I got a bad haircut two weeks ago that was way too short, and while I still have issues about it, I'm amazed at how it shows that my hair line is no longer the roundest, softest thing ever.  I have just a little bit of squarey-ness going on at the temples, and I love it.  This must have changed since my one year update because I sure was looking for it then, and I'm guessing the higher dose helped.

Also, my acne has basically gone down to nothing and stayed there.  I have one or two nodules or cysts on my face or back at any given time, which is totally manageable for me.  It hasn't been this good in seven years!  Pimples that I do have are on my jaw line and in my eyebrows.  Eyebrow acne has always been a thing I get in hot weather when I'm sweating a lot, but the jaw line stuff gives me hope for sideburns.

The patch of whiskers over a big acne scar hasn't gotten any fiercer, and other hairs on that side have.  I shave all <10 hairs that comprise my sideburns (the majority of which are on the right side of my face for some reason) once a week to keep my face smooth-looking.  Nothing else has grown, and I'm happy with that.

My voice feels like it's continued to deepen, but my recordings are all "noise" without a pattern.  I think the value of this exercise has been expended.

I only notice that my junk has gotten bigger after I get off and it takes a long time to stop being huge.  And by huge I still mean tiny, but it certainly feels huge when it's attached to my pelvis.  I have once again become a pro at wanking, so don't expect more complaining about that being a difficult adjustment.

I got a spike in anxiety at the right time to indicate a cycle was occurring, but I haven't experienced any bleeding, so maybe this is it.  I guess this post is a bit premature, because I won't be able to say anything with confidence for another week or so.

My chesticles have lost density like woah, and I'm very unhappy about it.  I can blame binding all I want (I'm stealth at work for the first time and being awful to my chest so I feel like I'm doing everything I can to preserve that status), but I think the real issue is my dose increase.  I suspect they will regain some structure if I decrease my dose or take a break from T for top surgery, but I'm not sure.

Being upset about my chest deflating has made me rethink my higher dose.  Maybe when I finish this bottle (in about a month), I'll go back to the lower dose at least until I get top surgery so I don't have to worry about disqualifying myself from peri with Dr. Fischer.  Incidentally, I've decided that's definitely what I want, because thinking about not being able to get it makes me really upset.

However, I'm also having second thoughts about having top surgery at all because I know it will make my partner less attracted to me, and I don't want him to feel locked into an unsatisfying relationship.  I hold out hope that the "goldilocks" binder will make it possible for me to continue binding indefinitely.  Well, that's sufficiently unrelated to T changes that I'm going to stop here!


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