aidenonymous | 5 years on T update

Well, here I am, five years since I started T. It's been a little over two years since I added Lupron to the mix, too. Three since my top surgery, four and a half since changing my legal name, and a little over eight since I accepted myself as trans*.

I still identify as non-binary. I'm still androgynous. (I still look half my age.) My partner and I have been together fourteen years and have been married for almost ten. We're still not interested in kids, although I'd donate eggs given an opportunity to do so.

I still feel dysphoria, almost entirely about my post-top surgery chest, with being misgendered (as female) as a runner up. Sometimes I worry that I've gone too far, and I certainly have regrets. But, overall, I have a lot to celebrate, too. I live in a place that suits me well, and aside from being a few years behind schedule, I feel good about my career -- my transition facilitated these good things, for better or for worse.

I haven't been able to take a break from T since starting Lupron, due to side effects (read: hot flashes), and I've never taken a break from Lupron, for mental health reasons. But, despite my low dose, hairs are starting to grow on my face, and I all around feel like I've had enough T. Last week's Lupron injection will be my last, at least for a while, and I'm hoping to wean myself off T by the end of the month. Who knows how long it'll last?

I try to take things one day at a time without making plans for the future. Maybe I don't believe in it enough to get my hopes up. I don't have a strategy, but I'm pretty good at making the best move in the moment based on the cards I've got, so that's what I'll do.

I don't know how long it'll take me to post this after I've written it, but I promise, I could never forget. Stay strong, siblings, and become your dream.

5 years on T update

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