About Time

Today (okay, yesterday) was a day I'd been anticipating since I started T, the first time someone I didn't care to come out to with no knowledge of my gender identity noticed a physical change.  There wasn't anything awkward or uncomfortable about it, although I didn't really say anything that would have made me feel awkward or uncomfortable.

I had a brief meeting with a professor for whom I grade, who for the record has heard plenty of my voice pre-T and throughout the past five months.  As soon as I started the conversation, he interrupted me to ask if I was okay.  I replied in the affirmative and asked why he had asked that question.  He asked if I was sure I was alright, and again I responded in the affirmative and gave him a quizzical look.  He said my voice sounded like I was sick (a cold was implied).  Smiling, I repeated that I was fine and got on with the meeting.

Violence

Today I committed an act of violence.  I went to work today and didn't realize I'd left my bike lights at home until the sun started to set.  I threw on my helmet and completely forgot that there had been a football game today and that I might have trouble getting back.  I was approaching the steepest incline of my commute when three bros on the sidewalk attempted to get in front of me to block my way.  One of them shouted something about getting my ass.  The smaller one who'd threatened me attempted to use his body to keep me from moving forward, so I plowed right into him, getting him right in the 'nads because he was positioned to straddle my front wheel.  I was destabilized from the impact and did have to get my feet on the ground for a moment, but I just got back on my bike and sprinted the rest of the way home.  I heard him yell in pain as I made it up the hill and thanked the ether that his two larger friends were too stunned to run after me.  I did not report the incident to the campus police; arguably, I was in the wrong for inflicting bodily harm on others for simply being verbally threatened.  In retrospect, I believe they weren't trying to threaten me with violence.  I think it's more likely that they thought I was a woman and were attempting to sexually harass me.  They probably got the idea from my helmet, which hides my hair and is also pink.*  That the provocation was based in misogyny makes me even more proud of having hurt someone, however, I'm also left scared that I'm going to need to work harder to assimilate as binary if I don't want to become a victim of something beyond a verbal threat.  Perhaps it's time to get a new helmet.

( *Why a pink helmet? )