Violence

[aidenonymous]

Today I committed an act of violence.  I went to work today and didn't realize I'd left my bike lights at home until the sun started to set.  I threw on my helmet and completely forgot that there had been a football game today and that I might have trouble getting back.  I was approaching the steepest incline of my commute when three bros on the sidewalk attempted to get in front of me to block my way.  One of them shouted something about getting my ass.  The smaller one who'd threatened me attempted to use his body to keep me from moving forward, so I plowed right into him, getting him right in the 'nads because he was positioned to straddle my front wheel.  I was destabilized from the impact and did have to get my feet on the ground for a moment, but I just got back on my bike and sprinted the rest of the way home.  I heard him yell in pain as I made it up the hill and thanked the ether that his two larger friends were too stunned to run after me.  I did not report the incident to the campus police; arguably, I was in the wrong for inflicting bodily harm on others for simply being verbally threatened.  In retrospect, I believe they weren't trying to threaten me with violence.  I think it's more likely that they thought I was a woman and were attempting to sexually harass me.  They probably got the idea from my helmet, which hides my hair and is also pink.*  That the provocation was based in misogyny makes me even more proud of having hurt someone, however, I'm also left scared that I'm going to need to work harder to assimilate as binary if I don't want to become a victim of something beyond a verbal threat.  Perhaps it's time to get a new helmet.


*Why a pink helmet?  A friend of mine in undergrad received a pink bike helmet in a Secret Santa gift exchange during my freshman year.  Since it was too small for him, he regifted it to me, because I was just learning how to ride a bike and have a really small head.  I ended up being in a rather serious bike accident not long after, and that helmet was destroyed in the crash, sacrificing its life to save mine (as is the custom of its people).  The year I graduated, another Secret Santa pink helmet recipient offered me his gift, and I accepted it as a symbol of sorts to validate a silly superstition that pink helmets are luckier than non-pink helmets, and to prove to myself that I was not afraid of a color.  I took that helmet with me when I went to grad school and still wear it, since it's never been in a crash.  I hate the idea of spending $30-40 on a new helmet when I have one that's plenty safe, and dammit, I shouldn't have to be afraid because of the color of my safety gear.

Comments

[mechers.livejournal.com]

You could get one of those little spandex helmet covers to hide the pink....If they even sell those anymore?

[ilanthefirst.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the suggestion. I also thought of covering it in aluminum foil, conspiracy theorist-style but this would be a little less, ummm, nuts. It would certainly be cheaper than getting a new one but still seems like a cop-out.

[mechers.livejournal.com]

It is, kinda, but you wouldn't need to use it all the time, only when you are concerned for your safety.

[freakygems.livejournal.com]

I read it as self defence against perceivable danger. Regardless of whether you committed an act of violence or not I hope you are ok?

[ilanthefirst.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm fine, just a bit disturbed at feeling satisfaction from hurting someone even if he deserved something bad to happen to him. I grew up around violence and try to live a life of non-violence if not true pacifism.