About Face
Jan. 26th, 2014 11:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aidenonymousWell that was a cruel experiment to conduct on myself. I was really moody yesterday and definitely blame that on depriving myself of T and experiencing hormonal flux. To be fair, I'm usually somewhat moody when I'm at my partner's place; part of why we don't live together all the time is that we chafe against each other just from sharing space too much, but this felt worse. I also felt like my voice was happy to settle into a slightly higher register, but that was probably influenced more by the cold I'm getting over than anything else. I don't recall noticing that three weeks ago when I similarly "missed" a dose because of travel, and I wouldn't have noticed being irritable because I was definitely not in a controlled environment. Or maybe I was moody for different reasons. Again, to be fair, this was the result of my irrational decision to punish myself for having a body that responded to T in a way I didn't want. . .
In any case, I applied my T for yesterday and today at around 2AM this morning/last night before going to bed. Though I fell asleep with my hands in my pants, I got off (spectacularly) when I awoke by doing something new, and I let myself have fun figuring it out. I was thinking that this is no different from when I had to re-learn how to masturbate when I was 13 after injuring my then-masturbation-dominant hand. Actually, that was the game I played with myself this morning, trying to favor my now-masturbation-non-dominant hand. It helped to not have muscle memory trying to take over in ways that wouldn't help the situation, so I didn't have the problem of losing mindfulness in the moment and then ruining it by touching myself in unpleasurable ways just out of habit.
In any case, I applied my T for yesterday and today at around 2AM this morning/last night before going to bed. Though I fell asleep with my hands in my pants, I got off (spectacularly) when I awoke by doing something new, and I let myself have fun figuring it out. I was thinking that this is no different from when I had to re-learn how to masturbate when I was 13 after injuring my then-masturbation-dominant hand. Actually, that was the game I played with myself this morning, trying to favor my now-masturbation-non-dominant hand. It helped to not have muscle memory trying to take over in ways that wouldn't help the situation, so I didn't have the problem of losing mindfulness in the moment and then ruining it by touching myself in unpleasurable ways just out of habit.
